101 Hilarious Dating Quotes to Brighten Your Day

Laugh Out Loud with These Funny Dating Quotes

Dating is a journey filled with awkward moments, hilarious mishaps, and unforgettable memories.

Get ready to laugh out loud with these funny and witty dating quotes that capture the essence of the dating experience.

Whether you’re single, taken, or somewhere in between, these quotes are sure to bring a smile to your face.

Are you ready for a good laugh? Dating brings out some of the funniest and most relatable moments in our lives. From first date jitters to the hilarious antics of long-term love, the world of dating is ripe with comedy. Whether you’re navigating the world of online dating or reminiscing about past romantic escapades, these hilarious dating quotes will have you in stitches. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy this collection of the funniest dating quotes that perfectly capture the ups and downs of romance.

Funny Dating Quotes for Him

Dating can be a wild ride for guys, filled with unexpected twists and turns. These quotes capture the humor in the dating experiences of men, from first dates to long-term relationships. Whether you’re looking for a laugh or some relatable dating advice, these funny quotes for him will hit the mark.

1. “A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
2. “I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.” – Jay London
3. “I’m dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.” – Gary Shandling
4. “Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again.” – Susan Healy
5. “I’m still going on bad dates, when by now I should be in a bad marriage.” – Laura Kightlinger
6. “Benefits of dating me: You will be dating me. I could go on but I think I have made my point.” – Unknown
7. “I have such poor vision I can date anybody.” – Gary Shandling
8. “I don’t make mistakes, I date them.” – Unknown
9. “Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” – Woody Allen
10. “Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.” – Chelsea Handler
11. “I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that reads, “Great Listener Seeks Mute Woman.” – Jarod Kintz
12. “Whenever I date a guy, I think, “Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?” – Rita Rudner
13. “It’s not a date. We’re just agreeing to eat at the same table.” – Barbara Streisand
14. “People tell me there is plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.” – Unknown
15. “My mom always complains about my lack of a boyfriend. Well, next time she asks, I’m going to tell her I’m dating two different guys — Mr. Duracell and Mr. Energizer.” – Michelle Landry

Funny Dating Quotes for Her

Ladies, dating can be an adventure filled with humor and unexpected surprises. These quotes highlight the funny side of dating from a female perspective, capturing the unique challenges and hilarious moments that come with searching for Mr. Right. Enjoy these witty and relatable quotes just for her.

16. “I refuse to go out with a man whose ass is smaller than mine.” – Elizabeth Perkins
17. “Dating a man is like flying a kite. You only need to know when to wind up the string or let it out.” – Jenna Alatari
18. “I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.” – Chelsea Handler
19. “One woman I was dating called and said, ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.” – Rodney Dangerfield
20. “A girl can wait for the right man to come along, but in the meantime, that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.” – Cher
21. “On my first date, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to eat à la carte, and I said that I would prefer to stay inside!” – Cristin Milioti
22. “I date this girl for two years—and then the nagging starts: ‘I wanna know your name…’” – Mike Binder
23. “I’m still going on bad dates, when by now I should be in a bad marriage.” – Laura Kightlinger
24. “A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.” – Rita Rudner
25. “Whenever I date a guy, I think, “Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?” – Rita Rudner
26. “My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it’s missing, and what’s there stinks.” – Joan Rivers
27. “I don’t need a car to drive you crazy.” – Anonymous
28. “I am so romantic, sometimes I think I should just marry myself.” – Mike Birbiglia
29. “Courtship: A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.” – Anonymous
30. “My mom always complains about my lack of a boyfriend. Well, next time she asks, I’m going to tell her I’m dating two different guys — Mr. Duracell and Mr. Energizer.” – Michelle Landry

Classic Funny Dating Sayings

Some dating experiences are timeless, providing endless amusement across generations. These classic dating quotes reflect the humor that comes from traditional dating scenarios and romantic adventures. Relive the charm and wit of these timeless quotes that never go out of style.

31. “I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.” – Wendy Liebman
32. “Dating is like pushing your tray along in a cafeteria. Nothing looks good, but you know you have to pick something by the time you reach the cashier.” – Caprice Crane
33. “A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
34. “I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.” – Jay London
35. “Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again.” – Susan Healy
36. “I’m dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.” – Garry Shandling
37. “Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.” – George Carlin
38. “I don’t need a car to drive you crazy.” – Anonymous
39. “I went out with a promiscuous impressionist – she did everybody.” – Jay London
40. “I am so romantic, sometimes I think I should just marry myself.” – Mike Birbiglia
41. “Courtship: A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.” – Anonymous
42. “One woman I was dating called and said, ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.” – Rodney Dangerfield
43. “I date this girl for two years—and then the nagging starts: ‘I wanna know your name…’” – Mike Binder
44. “I’m still going on bad dates, when by now I should be in a bad marriage.” – Laura Kightlinger
45. “Benefits of dating me: You will be dating me. I could go on but I think I have made my point.” – Unknown

Modern Dating Woes

Dating comes with its own set of unique challenges and hilarious moments. From online dating mishaps to the quirks of social media, these quotes capture the essence of modern romance. Laugh along with these witty takes on contemporary dating.

46. “Online dating is the only dating where you can get rejected by someone you’ve never met.” – Anonymous
47. “When virtual reality gets cheaper than dating, society is doomed.” – Scott Adams
48. “You ever been on a date so bad, the girl makes you drop her off at another dude’s house?” – Roy Wood Jr.
49. “I’m dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.” – Gary Shandling
50. “Courtship: A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.” – Anonymous
51. “I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.” – Jay London
52. “One woman I was dating called and said, ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.” – Rodney Dangerfield
53. “Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again.” – Susan Healy
54. “I date this girl for two years—and then the nagging starts: ‘I wanna know your name…’” – Mike Binder
55. “I’m still going on bad dates, when by now I should be in a bad marriage.” – Laura Kightlinger
56. “Benefits of dating me: You will be dating me. I could go on but I think I have made my point.” – Unknown

Hilarious Celebrity Dating Quotes

Celebrities often have a unique perspective on dating, and their witty remarks add a touch of glamour and relatability to the dating scene. These amusing quotes from well-known personalities highlight the humorous side of romance, proving that even the stars deal with the same ups and downs.

57. “I feel that after you’ve dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what’s wrong with them. That way the next person doesn’t have to start from scratch.” – Rita Rudner
58. “Dating is like a game of chess. One wrong move, and you’re mated.” – Unknown
59. “My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it’s missing, and what’s there stinks.” – Joan Rivers
60. “I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date-date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed.” – Dave Attell
61. “Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.” – Lynda Barry
62. “My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” – Joan Rivers
63. “You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.” – Melanie Clark
64. “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rita Rudner
65. “Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.” – Anonymous
66. “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” – Rodney Dangerfield
67. “Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” – Phyllis Diller
68. “The four most important words in any marriage: I’ll do the dishes.” – Anonymous
69. “Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.” – Anonymous
70. “Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.” – Mae West
71. “Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.” – Mae West

Awkward Date Moments Made Funny

Dating is full of opportunities for things to go hilariously wrong. From cringe-worthy comments to uncomfortable situations, these awkward moments are what make dating such a memorable adventure. Here are some funny quotes that perfectly capture the essence of those embarrassing and laugh-out-loud experiences we’ve all had on dates.

72. “I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.” – Chelsea Handler
73. “One woman I was dating called and said, ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.” – Rodney Dangerfield
74. “I once had a date who said he was a magician. For our next trick, he disappeared.” – Anonymous
75. “I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.” – Susie Loucks
76. “A good date is when you are intoxicated with each other’s company and everything becomes beautiful. Bad dates are when you realize wine is cheaper than therapy.” – Anonymous
77. “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx
78. “I went on a date where we went to a concert. He spent the entire time texting. I thought he was arranging something romantic, but he was just updating his status.” – Anonymous
79. “I once had a first date where we talked about exes. It was like an episode of ‘Ghosts of Relationships Past.'” – Anonymous
80. “We went to a fancy restaurant. I ordered water and salad. He ordered wine and steak. The waiter brought the bill, and he slid it over to me saying, ‘Equal rights, right?'” – Anonymous
81. “I once went on a date where the guy spent 20 minutes talking about his favorite pen. It was a rollerball. The date was not.” – Anonymous
82. “Went on a blind date, and it turns out he was more interested in his phone than in me. Guess who got ghosted in real-time?” – Anonymous
83. “He showed up an hour late, drenched in sweat. Said he was trying to finish a marathon. Turns out he was just running from his responsibilities.” – Anonymous
84. “I once dated a mime. We never talked, but the breakup was silent and dramatic.” – Anonymous
85. “We went to a haunted house on our first date. He screamed louder than I did and clung to me the entire time. Chivalry is dead, but at least I got a good story out of it.” – Anonymous
86. “He spent the entire date talking about his mother. It was like having dinner with Norman Bates.” – Anonymous

These quotes highlight the humorous side of those cringe-worthy and awkward dating moments that everyone can relate to. From disastrous first dates to unexpected surprises, these one-liners will make you laugh and remind you that you’re not alone in experiencing the awkwardness of dating.

Hilarious Relatable Dating Quotes

Dating is a universal experience, full of highs and lows that everyone can relate to. These quotes capture the essence of common dating experiences and feelings, making them highly relatable. Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between, these quotes are sure to resonate with your own dating adventures.

87. “My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it’s missing, and what’s there stinks.” – Joan Rivers
88. “A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.” – Larry David
89. “Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” – Jules Renard
90. “First dates are like job interviews with cocktails.” – Anonymous
91. “Dating is where you pretend you’re someone you’re not to impress someone you don’t know.” – Anonymous
92. “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” – Dr. Seuss
93. “A good date makes you feel like you’re on top of the world. A bad date makes you wish you could fall off it.” – Anonymous
94. “Dating is really just about finding someone whose flaws you’re willing to live with.” – Anonymous
95. “Relationships are just two people constantly asking each other what they want to eat, until one of them dies.” – Anonymous
96. “The only thing worse than a blind date is being stood up on a blind date.” – Anonymous
97. “I once dated someone who would lie about lying. Ironically, he was terrible at it.” – Anonymous
98. “Online dating is the only dating where you can get rejected by someone you’ve never met.” – Anonymous
99. “Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” – Natasha Leggero
100. “Dating is like a game of chess. One wrong move, and you’re mated.” – Anonymous
101. “The problem with dating advice is that there’s no refund if it doesn’t work.” – Anonymous

These relatable dating quotes touch on the humorous and often frustrating aspects of modern romance. From the awkwardness of first dates to the comfort of long-term relationships, these sayings capture the experiences we all go through in our quest for love. Whether you’re laughing at the mishaps or nodding along in agreement, these quotes are sure to strike a chord.

Final Thoughts on Finding Humor in Dating

Humor is an essential ingredient in the dating recipe. It lightens the mood, breaks the ice, and makes even the most awkward moments memorable. Whether you’re navigating the choppy waters of first dates or enjoying the stability of a long-term relationship, laughter is your best ally. These funny dating quotes remind us that romance is as much about joy and fun as it is about love and companionship.

Embracing the humorous side of dating helps us keep perspective, making the inevitable ups and downs more bearable. When you can laugh at yourself and the situations you find yourself in, you turn potential frustrations into shared jokes and fond memories. The key to successful dating isn’t always about finding the perfect partner but enjoying the journey along the way.

So, next time you find yourself in an awkward situation or a less-than-perfect date, remember these quotes and let laughter guide you. It’s through these lighthearted moments that we truly connect with others and make our romantic journeys enjoyable and fulfilling.